Whoever complains that their sex-life is boring has forgotten that sex is like music.
There’s an infinite possible number of melodies and refrains, and you are both the conductor and the orchestra. Your erogenous zones are the instruments, and when you put your music together with your partner’s music, you are capable of magical music – from wild crescendos to beautiful lullabies.
Yet what happens? We go and get into a committed partnership and everything fizzles.
Picture a happily committed couple and you’ll probably think of domestic bliss rather than sensual satisfaction. If you do imagine them in bed, you’re more likely to think of them reading books, watching sitcoms on TV and drinking hot milk chocolate. Yes, let’s face it. It is difficult to keep the erotic fires blazing, much less spluttering along, after 2, 5 or – ugh – 50 years of partnership… but it can be done.
And if it is possible for mankind it is possible for you. One of my favourite sayings is that “God made humans the only living creatures who can have sex for pleasure and not just procreation”, so why miss out?
Why indeed! Well there are all sorts of causes of sexual shutdown. Some couples shut down on sex because they feel society’s pressure to be responsible once they are married.
For instance, Amy, a 34 year old office manager, said that before they were married, James and she would have sex just about anytime and anywhere. Now that they were living in a suburban house in a respectable suburb, it’s like they’re expected to be respectable and limit their sex to the bedroom on Saturday nights like everyone else in their neighbourhood seems to.
“Sex seems frivolous. It’s almost like we should be over that phase now”, complained Amy.
Well, there does seem to be a general social perception that sex ends once you are married. Just think of those bumper stickers that say things like “No sex please, we’re married”.
And the TV sitcoms that constantly joke about married couples never having sex, and the hens nights and bucks nights where cynicism reigns supreme and justifies paying for a stripper for that unfortunate victim’s who’s having his/her last night of freedom.
Please don’t fall into this trap. Discard traditional expectations about couples and while you’re at it, about male and female roles. The secret to a sensationally committed sex-life is focussing on your individual needs and desires and expanding on your sexual potential.
There’s a great book title that I think gives us the good oil – the message we really need to believe when it comes to creating the sex-life that’s right for us. This is the book title -“What you think of me (or “us” in this case) is none of our business!”
So make it your business, in the privacy of your own bedroom, to keep the sex fires burning.
Dr Janet Hall is a Clinical Psychologist, Hypnotist, Author and Professional Speaker.She is the author of eight books on family and relationship issues including “Sex-Wise Teens” and “Sex-life Solutions”.
Jan featured regularly on the television program “Sex Life” as their female sex therapist/advisor. Her 19MP3S in the Sensational Sex Series frankly and informatively discuss sexual issues ranging from sex therapy (sometimes using hypnosis) to advice on creating and sharing sexual fantasies, and strategies for sparking up your sex-life.
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